you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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