Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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