Too much gin, very little bucket
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
