i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
