I need to stop coming to work sober
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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