so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The air was thick with penises
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
