yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
