I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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