He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
