Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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