Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
