another moral hangover. fuck.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Enjoy the penises
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
