another moral hangover. fuck.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
