Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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