if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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