fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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