I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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