I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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