why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
