Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
