She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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