We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize