She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
