apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
