i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
