Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
