I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
