Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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