my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
