I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
