Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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