Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
