I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
