he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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