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You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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