I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The air was thick with penises
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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