I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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