I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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