my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
