how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
