It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
