just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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