he thought i was a dude.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
