I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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