I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so let's talk penis.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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