kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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