She announced her abortion via fbk
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Mom said you looked used
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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