Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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