Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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