Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
