Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
