I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
