Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I could make wine with my vomit
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
