I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
