I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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