I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
