She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
