was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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