my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
