put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
