i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
