One girl and one boy is just not enough.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
