we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
