Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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