I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
