is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
