home. puking in laundry basket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
