two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
