I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This toilet bowl is my home.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
