We named our party play list daddy issues
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
