Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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