Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
