Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
