Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
