We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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