we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
