Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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