the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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