i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
