You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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