Don't you send me to vm
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Jerry, you need to find god
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
