I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
