I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
