That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
