Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
