He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Randomize