Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
