I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
