I must be too annoying 4 u.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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