you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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