At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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