So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
