i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
