i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
