I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
