so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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