Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
