so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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