Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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